Not Much

Well, it’s hump day.  Well, not really.  I am on call this weekend, so Wednesday means a lot less to me.  It has been a good day.  Nothing exciting has been going on, just nice and normal.  My fertility friend chart continues to change.  That is driving me nuts.  I thought I was five days post-ovulation until I put in my temp for this morning.  I have regressed.  I am now only three days post-ovulation.   I don’t think my fertility friend can make up it’s mind!  I am now in the two week wait.  I never knew how long two weeks could feel like.  I only wish I could take a pregnancy test every day!  I know that is stupid, but I wish that I could.  I promise, I am not that obsessive compulsive….I don’t think!

Raj is finishing up this round of school.  He has two major papers due on Sunday.  He has been working hard.  I am very proud of him.  I think he is going to end up with As in both of his classes.  He is a very smart guy.  He is giving up Eve, his online computer game, to do his school work.  He has a new battle cruiser that will be ready, but he is doing his work.  That takes a lot of willpower to not play.  He knows what is really important.  I know he has several years of school, but before we know it, he will be finished.  Who knows, I may even be preggo with baby number two by then!

Shopping Queen..or Princess

Today, Mom and I took EmmaClaire to the mall.  Joy took OletaKate to meet her preschool teacher, and Raj was busy writing a paper for school.  So Mom and I were off to the mall.  I have never been a big shopper.  I go to the mall, but my stuff, and leave as quickly as I came.  Today’s shopping trip put shopping on a whole new level for me.  Oh my gosh, EmmaClaire can shop.  She loved it all.  She would look at pretty clothes, enjoyed all the make-up, and definitely enjoyed the accessories.  She oohed and ahhed over everything.  She really wanted Mimi to buy her a D&B pocketbook!  It was only $155!!  Instead, she settled for a Princess Aurora cell phone!  While Mimi was shopping for make-up, EmmaClaire and I had fun testing the different colors on our arms!  I bet we were driving the Lancome people nuts.  Oh well, we had fun!!  It was so fun to see shopping from a 3 year old perspective.  Might I add, a 3 year old who is a better shopper than her aunt or grandmother.  That little girl could have shopped all day.  Mom and I were tired long before EmmsClaire would have even thought to take a break!  She is definitely the shopping queen, but I am certain she would prefer to be a shopping princess!  What a wonderful experience for all of us!

New York, New York

Today has been a great day!  It ended with some exciting plans for Christmas!  Yes, I said Christmas!!  I am so excited.  Raj and I spent the afternoon at the lake.  Because we were going to pass Mom’s house on the way home, I called and asked if we could stop by.  Of course she said yes.  Well, we got talking about everything.  We got talking about Christmas, and this reminded us that we needed to finish our plans to New York City.  Mom is taking me and Raj to New York for the weekend in December.  Mom and I love New York, especially during the holidays.  I am so excited to go.  We are going to have a fabulous time!

We made our flight arrangements, and we got tickets to The Rockettes.  Oh my gosh, that is going to be so much fun!  Mom has never seen the Rockettes.  Raj and I saw them the Thursday before our wedding on Saturday.  I had been crazy to make those plans.  We had such a good time that we really wanted to see them at Radio City Music Hall.  Now we get to!  I am amazed, however, all of the Saturday shows of the Rockettes were sold out!  Ouch!  That scared me.  I could feel my stress moving up my neck as we continued to try different shows to find tickets.  We ended up getting tickets for the four o’clock show the Friday we arrive.  I am really excited about the show.  It is going to be perfect!  We get to see the show, and then spend all Saturday and Sunday exploring the haunts in NYC!  I am so excited.  I am so lucky to have a mom who is loving, fun, and enjoys an adventure.  I am going to spend the next few months trying to figure out all of the fun places to eat at and see while we are there!

It is already beginning to look a lot like Christmas every where I go. Only three and a half months until we go!

Moe and Ovaries

There are two things I am so happy about tonight.  First, I had my first positive ovulation predictor test tonight.  I have used 120 test sticks, and this is the first positive I have ever gotten.  I had to ask Raj if it was really positive, and he said it was definitely positive,  My ovaries may finally be beginning to work!!!  I know it is so late in my cycle that the possibility of actually getting pregnant is pretty low, but there is still some hope!!!  My body is going to work right, and we are definitely going to have a great family!  Raj was just as excited as I was about the positive OPK!!!!!  I wonder if taking a day off work is the real reason I ovulated!  I may have to try that more often!!  Yea ovaries!

My other good news.  My sweet Moe is okay.  He has been swerving for the past few days when he would get up and walk.  Raj took him to the vet for me yesterday, and the vet said he thinks Moe may have arthritis.  Moe has no other problems though.  He is a healthy fifteen year old cat!  I am so glad my baby is okay.  The greatest gift I gave myself four years ago was my cats.  They are so sweet and loving.  I never thought I would be a cat person, but I am one now!  I know my boys are older, but I plan on them being around for a very long time!

I have also decided to start going to Weight Watchers again this weekend.  I have to have the accountability of weighing in on a weekly basis.  I am not going to be excited to see my weight, but I am certain that will get better real soon!  Well, you have heard my exciting news for the week,  I am going to get better about trying to write here daily.  I just have a problem sometimes because of my crazy hours!  More later!

Slight Hopes….Dashed

Well, last Friday I did a cycle day 21 progesterone.  My Fertility Friend has been saying that I might have ovulated on cycle day 17.  I was pretty certain I did not ovulate.  None of my ovulation predictors or Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor have shown ovulation.  I have used so many sticks, I don’t think I could have missed the LH surge.  However, I still hoped I missed it.

Well….I definitely did NOT ovulate.  My cycle day 21 progesterone was 0.6.  That means I have done NOTHING…NOTHING.  I wanted my progesterone to be at least 15…not 0.6.  Urghhh.  My body does not seem to know how to do this ovulating thing!

I do have one positive thought.  We have options!  This is not hopeless.  We already have our appointment with Dr. Mitchell-Leef for October.  I had thought about changing the appointment, but Raj and I have two big tests to do before the appointment.  Raj has to have Semen Analysis, and I have to have my HSG.  These are the last two big tests we have to have completed before the appointment.  I am hoping to have my HSG done the second week of September.  Raj is in the process of getting his appointment scheduled.  I am so glad there is hope.

Saturday, I start my Prometrium again.  I hate that stuff.  Oh well, maybe September will be the month!   Hope is definitely not lost.  I am just glad I have a hubby who loves and supports me every step of the way.  Life is still great!

Weekend

I love the weekend…especially when I sleep half of it away!  Yesterday, I got up and ran.  That was wonderful!  I ran an 8 minute 42 second mile.  Not my best, but it sure was pretty good!  When I got home, I cancelled our plans to go to the lake.  I just did not feel good.  I felt really bad about cancelling on my friends, but I physically could not go.  I proceeded to sleep for four hours.  After I got up and moving, Raj and I went looking at cars again.  I am so cheap.  I don’t want to buy a car yet, but I hate Raj driving a car with no air conditioning in this boiling weather.  He keeps telling me he is okay because his drive to work is so short.   We’ll have to see.  I am not real fond of car salesmen.  I hate being accosted before I even get out of my car.   I guess that means I don’t need to go car shopping until we are ready to get the car.  Oh well.

Today, I went to a baby shower.  It was a lot of fun.  The theme was rain-forest.  I think the mom whose shower it was has a great theme.  She does not know if she is having a boy or a girl, so the theme can rally fit either gender. My best friend did the cake.  It was beautiful!  After the shower, Joy and I went and ran three miles.  We did it in 24 minutes!!  We are rock-stars!  I think Joy thought I was killing her.  It didn’t get tough for me until the last half mile.  It is fun to run with her, so it was perfect. 

Well, the laundry is going.  I hope this is a great week.  Raj is doing his school work.  This session is almost over, and he will go on to the next set of classes.  I am so proud of him!  One day he will be finished with school, and this will just be a memory!

Bittersweet Moments

There are numerous events I will remember for the rest of my life.  There are the obvious ones.  Graduating high school.  Going to college.  Graduating from college.  My first job.  Moving to Nashville.  Grad school at Vanderbilt.  Meeting Raj.  Raj proposing.  Marrying Raj.  These are so many things I will never forget.  Then, there is a whole other category of events I will not forget.

I remember when each of my nieces and nephew were born.  I remember seeing Ryan’s naked body in the window of the nursery after he was born.  Charles was such a proud daddy in the window that night.  I remember when Rebecca Anne was born.  Mom called and told me I needed to hurry to Athens, Ashley had gone to the hospital in labor and was about to deliver.  I could not go straight to Athens.  I had stuck myself with a dirty needle at the hospital the night before, and I had to go to employee health.  When I finally did get to Athens, I got to see one of the most beautiful baby girls.  Rebecca Anne had a head full of dark brown hair.  She was so sweet hold.  I got to sit and visit with Ashley and Charles, talking about their new princess.  They have both grown up so quickly.  I can’t believe Ryan is in middle school, and Rebecca Anne is in the third grade.  I can’t believe how fast the time has flown.

Now Joy has started having her babies.  I will never forget going to Waffle House to eat before Joy’s induction with EmmaClaire.   The labor with EmmaClaire was so easy.  It was such an honor for me to deliver her.  That is something I will never forget.  Then came Miss OletaKate.  She was a little more drama than EmmaClaire.  Joy had a much longer and harder labor with her.  In fact, her labor dragged on until late in the night.  I will never forget telling everyone OletaKate was a girl!  It was so exciting.  Joy could not believe it for the first few seconds.  I had to tell her several times before she got it!

It seems like each of the kids should still be newborns.  There is no way eleven years has  passed since Ryan was born.  It is wonderful how the family has grown and changed over the years. OletaKate is walking and talking.  How did this happen?!

Today was a big day for EmmaClaire.  Today, she started preschool.  I can’t believe she is old enough to be going to school.  Joy had the bittersweet job of taking her to school today.  I know mom felt the same way as she sent each of us on a to new and exciting parts of our lives.  I will always remember the story of mom going home and crying on my bed after she moved me into the dorm my freshman year in college.  As the teenager, I was happily off to the wonderful new part of my life called college.  My mom, on the other hand, was happy, sad, and nervous for me all at the same time.

Today was the  first time I personally saw some one of my generation do the same thing mom did when I went to college…and assuredly many, many other times other times as we all grew up.  Today, Joy called me crying after having dropped EmmaClaire at preschool.  She said EmmaClaire happily hoped out of the car, told her mom she loved her, and bye.  EmmaClaire went blissfully into a new, exciting chapter in her life without ever seeing Joy’s tears.  Joy left crying with the knowledge her baby was no longer a baby. However, Joy gave EmmaClaire the gift of freedom to enjoy getting to experience preschool without any guilt or sadness.  That is the greatest gift a mother can give her child.

I know mom experienced this more times than she could count.  I remember Ashley struggling through these same events with her children.  In fact, I bet she even experienced this same type of feeling as Ryan began middle school this year.  Now, it is Joy’s turn to experience the mystery and magic of motherhood.  It was an awe inspiring experience to be with Joy for a brief moment as she experienced one of the most magical and bittersweet moments of motherhood.  Mom, Ashley, and Joy have each grown into stronger women as they have raised (or are still raising) their children.  It is an honor to be a part of their family, and one day, be a part of that strong, gentle, wonderful group called moms.

I miss birth control…sometimes

I don’t know what I thought would happen when I went off birth control back in March.  I just expected to have my regular cycles and life would go on as normal.  I was not correct.  It has been nuts.  I never thought of the NuvaRing as being my “anti crazy” medication.  As a Nurse Midwife, I know birth control tricks the body into thinking it is pregnant.  By doing this, ovulation does not occur.  The ebb and flow of hormones are not fluctuating to the level they do without birth control.  I don’t like ebbs and flows.  I know I am an emotional person, just look at my mom and sisters, it is genetic!!  But my gosh, some days I really just want to rip people’s heads off or cry.  It can change by the minute.  It may be the Clomid.  I know some people can be relatively crabby while on it.   I love the stability of birth control.  I may end up being one of those people who use it just to even out my hormones after I have children.  The other thought is that I may actually adjust to “normal” hormone levels.  I see people who adjust on a daily basis.  It will be interesting to see.  Right now, I am going to blame it all on the Clomid.  That sounds like a perfect scape goat to me!  It is liberating to be off birth control.  It is exciting to know what will come because I am off the pill. It is fun to dream and plan and hope.  I know the fluctuations in hormones is going to give us a wonderful family to love, take care of, and with whom we can grow.  Of all things, I don’t miss birth control right now.  I am too excited about the future.

Cotton Candy and Exercise

I wish I ate to live and not lived to eat.  I love food.  Any type is fine.  Burgers.  Pizza.  Fries.  Starbucks. Donuts.  Cookies.  Cakes.  Chips.  Candy.  Candy.  I love candy.  I love all types.  Chewy candy.  Hard candy.  Soft candy.  Fresh candy.  Not so fresh candy.  I am definitely not picky.  I only wish I were picky.  I wish didn’t LOVE to eat.  I don’t know why I do.  I could eat all day, every  day.  I dream about food.  I think about food from the time I get up in the morning until I can’t keep my eyes open at night.  I hate it.

Here is my prime example.  I run into two friends at the gym tonight.  They ask me to come lift weights with them after I have done over four miles on the eliptical trainer.  So, I called Raj and he encouraged me to stay.  We worked our butts off.  My arms are still hurting.  It was a great workout.  I had so much fun exercising with the girls.  If this is the way the story ended, I would be happy.  However, here comes the true failure in the story.  I go to the store to pick up mushrooms to put in my spagetti sauce.  Guess what I see?!

Cotton Candy!

My head wanted me to walk right past the horrid candy aisle, but my feet made that dreadful right turn.  Before I knew it, I was buying not one, but two bags of cotton candy.  I opened the first bag the moment I got to the car.  I planned on one of two things.  Number one.  Eating the entire bag in the thirty seconds it takes to get home.  Number two.  Eating as much as I could in the car, and the leaving the bag in the car to finish in the morning,  Well, the was actually a number three.  Eat as much as I can in the car, have Raj come to the car to help with the groceries, see me eating the cotton candy, and then take the unfinished bag into the house, finish it, and eat the other bag.

I picked the previously not mentioned third option.

What a loser.

I hate it when I do stupid things like that. 

Both bags of cotton candy were great.  I will admit that they were both wonderful.  The sweetness was wonderful to my lips.  It made me feel like a kid again.  Why?  Why did I have to have two bags of the candy?  One bag would have been okay, but I had to have two.

This is where the exercise comes into play.  I am glad I did an extra hour of exercise, but I do not think it cancelled out my candy.  I have to eat right.  I don’t want to be fat. I want to be healthy and normal.  Normal people don’t wat like I do.  I am going to find a way to change.  It might take the rest of my life, but I will.  I will keep the exercise going.  I may eat bad, but I do have the exercise down pat.  I am halfway successful.  I will be completely successful one day.  I will.

Comments

I love writing here.  It let’s me think on “paper”.  Rambling about my day and how I am feeling is nice.  In fact, this has been a pretty good call weekend.  I am still waiting for the dam to burst.  I never take for granted my “page free” time during the weekend.  It really is the luck of the draw how many pages I receive.  Raj and I have enjoyed just having a restful weekend.  We went out yesterday evening.  We went to Babies R Us to buy a baby shower present.  Raj had never been in one before, so we had fun.  It was great to look at the different baby furniture, gadgets, and accessories.  It is really amazing how much stuff you can buy for someone who can only eat, sleep, cry, and poop!  We had a great time.  Then, we went to Barnes and Noble.  I wanted a new book.  There are two authors I like a lot.  One, Vince Flynn, doesn’t have another book coming out until October.  I am already on the wait list for that book.  The other author is named Brad Thor.  I was pleasantly suprised to see a new book out by him!  I have only read 108 pages in the book, but it is great!  After that, we went to Cheeseburgers in Paradise for dinner.  It was a lot of fun!  Raj and I split some mini cheeseburgers and some popcorn shrimp!  If I had not been on call, I would have had a drink.  They looked great! 

Today has been even more mellow than yesterday.  I ran 5 miles and watched Tiger win the PGA Championship.  I have gotten a lot more pages this evening than I have gotten all weekend.  I really hope that does not continue into the nighttime hours! 

Well, back to comments.  Susan, I am looking at Craigslist for used cars.  That was a great idea!  For me, it is a lot of fun with your comments.  It makes me smile!  Even though I will never be the great and mighty Amalah, I sure am having fun with this!  I will always try to reply to any comments posted!  I hope everyone has had a great weekend and is ready for the new week!